Hello, Goodbye
I’ve been an expert at saying hello just to say goodbye.
So yeah, this is me saying hello.
I’m moving to a new place. And this time, I will leave no trace.
Goodbye.
Some Things are Better to be Kept Inside
I won’t ask you why the sky are blue, neither why you talked about us that night.
I won’t ask you how we could waste two whole years just to fall in love, just like I won’t ask you how to make babies.
I won’t ask about everything between us that falls somewhere between friends and lovers, as things get biased and the boundary becomes blurrier each day.
And I won’t ask you what the future holds for us, as you never question what the past has done to me.
You just knew, and I’ll know.
For A Girl Whose Name Begins with an A
You really are a spoiled kid.
It’s like you come to a restaurant and choose, say, three different meals, all of which you’ve known are famous for their big portion. And when those meals come, you start eating them. It doesn’t take long before you realize that you have too much on your plate. So what do you do next? You complain. Complain. You blame the chef for serving it in such a big portion, while the truth is you’ve known it would be those much.
Yes, that’s you. A spoiled girl who blames people for her own fault. You knew it would be this hard and exhausting. If you think you can’t do it, don’t take it. It’s simple, and you only make those things become complicated because you’re such an attention seeker.
And this might come as a shocking news to you: the world does not revolve around you, and people don’t care about you as much as you think they do, so don’t spill everything and pity yourself on that so-called social network. Only you and your sissy friends will care and make a fuss about it.
If I wasn’t in the position I’m in now, I would’ve bitch-slapped you for being such a whiner. Call me heartless or whatever, I don’t care. Someone has to teach you how to be not spoiled.
Just like Usher said…
I think we’ve got something special, you and me together we’ll take over the world. Somewhere along the way everything fell in place.
Something Special
Hello dear. Ready to conquer the world? :)
First (and Hopefully Last) Surgery
Here’s a little tip for anyone who will undergo a surgery: never, EVER, watch ‘Awake’ at least a a month before surgery. You’ll be stressed enough when you’re forbid to eat 24 hours before the anesthetic kicks in, and no need to watch a movie about surgery and all the conspiracies behind, with a tagline ‘Every year, one in 700 people wake up during surgery’.
I read somewhere that you can tell a good anesthesiologist if the drug works after he counts to seven.
I didn’t remember praying so hard in my life. I prayed the anesthetic would do its job to keep me unconscious while the surgery was ongoing. I didn’t want to wake up with my tummy cut open and the surgeon holding a scalpel with blood stain in front of my eyes.
Maybe it’s a good thing they didn’t let me eat 24 hours before the surgery. I would probably have thrown everything up. Yes, that’s how nervous I was.
But now I know that a simple prayer and a simple message that said, ‘Hope everything will go well. Get well soon! Let me know when they’re done cutting open your tummy.’ is enough to soothe my nerve.
Thank you.
And thank God everything went well.
So this will be my next biggest prayer: Dear God, please don’t let me undergo anymore surgery. Thank you.
A Holiday Project
I have a long list about what to do on this holiday, one of them is write a novel. Here’s a piece about what I’m working on, an article in magazine about the characters in the novel. I use Greek names because I just loooove Greece (beside, all the names are cute and unique). Here it is!
THE LOVE JOURNEY OF PAVLOS ROSSO AND MAERA KAIRIS
Pavlos Rosso and Maera Kairis are known as a famous couple who make it in the industry. Rosso with his successful company, and Kairis with her books. What most people don’t know is their love story; how they met and how they struggle for what they believe.
THE LONG AND BUMPY ROAD
College sweetheart maybe is the best phrase to describe them. Taking the same major – marketing and organisational behaviour – they met for the first time in June 2009. At that time, Kairis was dating another guy, so she didn’t take much notice of him. When she finally broke up, they didn’t become close just that. It took quite a year before they started hang out with their friends, and this led to a tiny feeling Kairis began to feel.
Unfortunately, the path wasn’t that clear. It needed quite a long time for Rosso to realize that the feeling was mutual. But the problems didn’t end there. Some issues made Rosso held his feeling and drew himself back, causing misunderstanding between them that made Kairis thought he didn’t have the same feeling, so they started to grew apart. It was one of the usual hectic nights before the exam that Rosso admitted his feeling. “I don’t know, maybe it was the caffeine, or maybe it was her perfume that made my head dizzy, but I finally told her about everything. How I still loved her, and how hard it was for me to see us grew apart,” Rosso said. Much to his surprise, she started to cry and told him that she also had the same feeling. “After that, we didn’t care much about the exam. We were too happy to fix our eyes on the book,” Kairis joked.
Knowing that the feeling couldn’t go away, they decided to give it a try and started a relationship. “It wasn’t easy,” Kairis admitted. “We had to work things out.”
Solving the problems was the green light for them, but that didn’t mean they could go without any obstacles. In May 2014, Rosso got a scholarship to study in Netherlands. They decided to end their relationship in July 2014 when Rosso finally went there, while Kairis still worked in California.
In August 2016, Rosso got back from Netherlands. Not long after that, their old college hosted a reunion. They met there (again!) and realized that the sparks were still there. Not sure about the prospect of the relationship, Kairis told Rosso that she just wanted to be friends. “I had no choice but to agree with her. That was the closest I could get with her,” Rosso said.
They continued being friends for some time, but the line between friends and lovers became blurrier each day. So when Rosso got a job in Norway a year later, he didn’t hesitate to propose to her. “I had known how it felt not to be with her, and I knew enough not to want that again,” Rosso explained. To his relief, Kairis accepted the proposal. They rekindled their relationship and started planning the wedding.
TOGETHER AT LAST!
In September 2017, they got married in Santorini. “I was so thrilled to have my wedding in September. September is my favorite and lucky month so far. My birthday is in September, and I graduated in September. Now I have one more reason to love this month!” Kairis explained.
The couple had their honeymoon in Maldives Island, and then moved to Norway after the honeymoon. One year after they got married, Kairis was pregnant, but she was miscarried when the pregnancy was in the third month. Two years later, she gave birth to a girl, Isis Rosso.
The Rossos had lived in Norway for four years when they decided to move to US, where Rosso started his own company and Kairis started to write her first novel, Inside and Outside. It only needs two years for them to gain success. Rosso expands his company to Europe and Asia while Inside and Outside was published and become the number one bestseller in the world.
“I’m glad that everything’s fallen into places right now. Looking back now, I never expected things would be this good, back in the college days,” Rosso said. “At that time, I was so desperate about Maera and my scholarship. Who knew it would end like this?”
“Actually, I’ve always had this thing with Pavlos since the first time. I just didn’t realize it at that time, and of course, the bumpy road we’ve gone through had made things become more complicated,” Kairis added. “But I had this indescribable feeling that somehow, we’d make it. And I’m glad that I was right.”
The happy couple are now living in San Diego with their daughter Isis, and now are expecting their second child.
I know I’m in love when…
I learn to play the piano again just so I can have another duet with you.
I bought a bottle of Drakkar Noir so I can spray my pillow and smell your scent before I sleep.
I check all your social networks everyday just to see how you’re doing, and to know that you’re fine there.
I write a novel about you.
I take the same courses as yours so I can have more time with you, dear busy guy.
I keep all those theatre tickets, diner bills, and everything that has something to do with you.
I printed all of our photos and stick those on my wall.
I don’t mind taking two busses and a train just to go to your house, even when I know it’s so damn far, with your house on the east side and mine on the west.
I’ve already planned your birthday bash and started saving for your birthday present, even though it’s still months away from now.
I start to love the world I’ll work in, because you’re here, with me.
I cried when I knew you’d be gone for some time, but at the same time felt so proud of you because you made it, one of your biggest dreams.
I wear your jacket when I go to sleep.
I feel my heart racing when you text me.
I find some comfort in you even in my worst days.
I sing Colbie Caillat’s songs because it feels so right.
I start eating carrot cake because you like it.
I do some exercise twice a week because you told me to, even when I don’t like it.
I smile when you smile.
I feel butterflies in my stomach when you look directly into my eyes.
I constantly miss you when you’re not around.
I want the world to stop for a while when you hold my hands.
I want you to want me to want you.
Reminiscing the Firsts
1. The First Gym Time
I was never a sport person, and usually it was fine by me. But when I accidentally told you about how I never exercised, you went bananas. The choice were only two, you said. Gym or jog. So then I was forced chose to sign up for gym. The first time I went there, I took pilates class. I lied helplessly on the mattress, all sweaty and messy, and you sneered at me from the treadmill. I looked like a dog who just got hit by a truck, you said. The next day, you had to drag me to the third floor for a class because I could barely move my legs. I still go there every Tuesday and Friday for pilates class, but without you mocking me from the treadmill, I have to admit that lifting barbels up is not as easy as it used to be.
2. The First Driving Lesson
When I said I would took the driving course, you nagged about how much money would be wasted for such a thing that was easy to learn. So then you taught me how to drive, with your hand always grasped the hand brake. The first time I drove your car on the road, you were surprisingly calm. Somehow, it soothed my tensed nerves.
3. The First Time Tasting Kopi Luwak
And the last. It was just another day when we were not in the right mind, and desperately needed something crazy to release all the heavy burden. So after a long consideration, we decided to tried the so-called Kopi Luwak. Your face when you sipped it, oh, God. All I could say is, ‘Dear God, thank you for making that face.’ You winced and looked so tortured. In the end you just mumbled about how much money were wasted for drinking animal’s shit that tasted like hell. Oh well. We never liked coffee, did we? We just need it to keep us stay awake.
4. The First Time Going Out Together
Thank you for your big appetite and my impulsive act, we made a snap decision to go for pancakes. I skipped a meeting and you were feeling guilty as hell. Dude, relax. Skipping a weekly meeting is nothing compared to going out with you. And this is the time when we talked so much about our lives: the past, the present, and the future. I knew you better that night. That beautiful night ended with me begging you not to tell anyone about us going out, and you said, smiling, “Okay. I understand. Don’t let your tongue slip.” And it feels nice, having a secret that only we know.
5. The First Getaway
Where should I start? Should I start with the story when you held my hand because I was so scared I nearly cried? Or the crackers you kept shoving to my mouth because I was starving all the time? Or when you dragged me all the way with your jacket covering my head to keep me from the pouring rain? Well, let me tell you something. Between the crazy dance in the rain, the food we shared, holding hands, and the jacket you gave me even when you were sick, I fell in love.
Now and Then
April 29, 2011
We will never be together. We’re too different, and the universe won’t let us. You’re organized and I’m messy. You’re a walking miracle and I’m a walking disaster. You want to be an eagle in the next life (if there is) so you can fly and go anywhere you want, while I want to be a dolphin so I can explore the ocean. You want to get a master degree in Germany after you graduate, while I want to take a year off and live in Spain for a year or two. You want to work in this industry, I want to build a bookstore and publish books. You want to get married in a big hotel and have at least four children; I want to get married at the beach, barefoot, and have two children. You want to live a big city, while I want to live in a quiet little town. See? We want different things, that’s why we’re different. And I have enough experiences to know that too many differences won’t do any good.
June 15, 2011
Things change. Feelings change. People change.
We say, why not try to work it out? You can live in Germany and I can live in Spain, and we can meet in the middle once a month or so. Say, France? Beside, opposite attracts, people say. It’s like yin and yang. And magnets pull something that has the opposite pole, doesn’t it? It’s differences that make things aren’t so boring.
So one year from now, at the graduation, I’ll say, “Let’s sail the ocean, leave everything behind and chase our dreams. I’ll send you a letter from Spain, tell you to meet me at Gare de Lyon.”
Three years from now, we’ll be at places we want to be, and I’ll smile every time I remember you and Gare de Lyon.
Point of View
Last night I had one of the long phone conversation with my bestfriend. I told her everything that happened in the past few weeks, and she just listened. When I finished telling her the story, I could hear she exhaled.
“Why are you torturing yourself?” she asked.
“What? I’m not!” I really had no idea why she thought I was torturing myself.
“You keep doing the same mistake, over and over again. You know it’s a mistake, why keep doing it?” she asked again, quite blatantly.
I’d been thinking about that for some time, and I didn’t need much time to figure out why. So I said, “For you, it’s a mistake. Not for me. I don’t believe it’s a mistake.”
“But you know how it ended the last time. It’s definitely a mistake,” she said, deadpan.
“The mistake, is…” I took a deep breath and continued, “I was with the wrong person. That’s the mistake. Not the thing, but the person.”
She didn’t say anything, so I went on. ”My parents went through all of these, remember? Do you think they’re a mistake?”
“Of course not,” she said hastily.
“There you go.”
We talked a little more about other things, but in the end I knew that she no longer thought this as a mistake. Not mine, at least.
And all I can say is, you’ve got one more approval, boy.
